Anger has some quite mechanical causes. We can be honest with ourselves, and trace it to its roots in our mental process.
When we feel negative emotions, our natural reaction is to disown them, to project them onto others. But this causes harm, both to others and ourselves.
We deceive ourselves as a defence mechanism. We sacrifice mental clarity on the altar of temporary safety.
We project, we hide, we find other things to do. But sometimes we need to engage, to be present.
Assertiveness is very much a question of a right relationship with the self.
We make ourselves suffer when we (1) put our ‘self’ before others, (2) fear loss to that invented ‘self’, and (3) pin the blame on someone else.