“If you are a people-pleaser, then I would like you, just for today, to have a holiday from the oppression that can sometimes result from your relationship with judgers. I’d like you to do some things that work for you, in a way that works for you.”

“If you are a people-pleaser, then I would like you, just for today, to have a holiday from the oppression that can sometimes result from your relationship with judgers. I’d like you to do some things that work for you, in a way that works for you.”
Sometimes we need to be gentle, and sometimes we need to assert ourselves. Being adaptable is the key.
Assertiveness is a moderate way of influencing people and events, more engaged than avoidance, and less invasive than aggression.
In our approach to self-development, we can work passively (e.g. on self-acceptance), or actively (e.g. on self-assertion or self-promotion).
Even if gentle, we need to stand up for ourselves to be wise.
Despair, the loss of hope, is a transitional state on the way to acceptance. It shows that we have wishes and desires. As we age, that transition often becomes easier.